Damnit~

Damn! I am so aggravated! I am not able to tell him shit! My husband that's who. God I love him but he doesn't want to hear about my job. It's not important to him. He is not the one who is going to say good job!! I save people every day. I am a good ICU nurse. I help people die. I help the family accept the bad, painful things no one wants to tell them. I cry with them. In my heart I know he gets this. Do I need everyone to tell me how good I am...no. I know my strengths and weaknesses. I am not good at everything and I do make mistakes. What I hear from him is that I am so funny and cut up at work and don't at home. I am stupid and anal. I walk in the door and all I see is the mess. Dishes, clutter, toys everywhere. It fucks with my head and sends me over the edge and then I am pissed! I am not a pack rat and try with all my might to keep up with everything. Make the little ones pick up. Hell when I get home it is after 8 pm and they are settling down. Then me and all my pompous air strolls in and tries to bark orders and all I get is anger from my husband, crying from the little ones and mumbling from the 22 yr old. So I do it myself and that seems to be the fastest way to get it done. Like I said stupid! I need to follow through. That is a hard one. It took my years to get the kids on a night schedule. I had to get off of night shift because my husband doesn't care what time they go to bed and doesn't care if they are in my bed. I did a good job today. I did. I didn't yell when I got home. I just threw a few things but settled down. My husband is asleep and I am exhausted but the house is somewhat quiet. If my 22 yr old would do the dishes earlier then yes it would be quiet. I wish I knew more about websites and blogging. I have a hard time with the terminology. I guess I am better at nursing. Signing out~